Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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