I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
