The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
