He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
