she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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