I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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