I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
