Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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