My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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