i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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