You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
