Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
