There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
