Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
