I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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