apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The air was thick with penises
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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