sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
