her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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