maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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