we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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