i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
