it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
