there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
