One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize