Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
