I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
