I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
