It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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