do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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