I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
