fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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