Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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