Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
