So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
