There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
