if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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