I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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