I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
babies were throwing up all over the place
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
