you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
