Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
