i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
