I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
