I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
