I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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