Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize