Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
