Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
