it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
