On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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