I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
