I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
