Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
