It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
