Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
