I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize