on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
