Pants 0. Shit 1.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
