She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize