i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
