he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
