so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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