Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
