He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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