I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
pop tarts are not kleenex
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
