I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
