saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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