What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
