she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
