my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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