and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
