please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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