i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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