I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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