we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
