i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
