Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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