I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
