Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize