the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
