The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
