this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
