i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
