So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
