You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
