is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do vagina's smell?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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