I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize