oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
