i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
