I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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