Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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