Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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