I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
