She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
