There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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