when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
