I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this will be a night to untag.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
