Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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