1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
